Cluster headaches are a bitch is the understatement of any century. They’re merciless and strike you down without regard to where you are or what you’re doing.
Today, I actually woke up in a pleasant mood. I had a song in my head and didn’t look out into the atrium and say, “Why the fuck am I awake?” I had actually slept. I thought it was going to be a good day for a change. The 06:00 cluster. Not too bad 3/4. Survivable with just morning meds. Then 09:30, BAM! cluster 2 visits. Chug a Red Bull (Cranberry, not the original battery acid flavor,) drink some coffee and water and eat something to try to appease this monster. It didn’t take the bait, so I grabbed the crackpipe (my MJ vaping pen) started smoking. No dice. I think my body has become immune to it too, like it does with every drug. This little episode ended up clocking in for about 2 hours at pain levels between 4-6.
Now, either of these clusters would send a normal human to the ER thinking that they’re stroking out and in the great estpain they’ve ever been in. For me, this stage normal. A 3-6/10 is normal for me. It’s tolerable. I can almost function as a normal human being. At this point, I was hoping to be done with them, or that the clusters would all stay in the 3-5 range. They didn’t. Its never that easy for me. I wish for once that it could be. At this point, I’m willing to go back to narcs. At least on narcs, I didn’t care so much that I had headaches.
13:10 and a 4 bar fire alarm goes off in my head. I can tell this this one will quickly go nuclear if I don’t treat it immediately. I tried my GammaCore device and computer said no! I was either out of days or charges. FUCK! Where’s the Benadryl? Red Bull #2?Anything! I got it just in time as it hit 7/10. It didn’t go beyond this time. Sevens aren’t a walk in the park either. I’m clearly impaired at a 7.
17:30-WHAM!-and not the band either. This cluster hits me at an 8-9/10 out of nowhere. There was no warning; no shadows; no aura; nothing. Now I’m clearly impaired and in distress. Luckily my child hadn’t left for school and knew exactly what to do to help stabilize me. Once stable (7/10) I was able to give myself a Norflex injection.
At a 7/10, I’m still more or less coherent. The pain is like a full-grown cow standing on your foot and not moving anytime soon. I get confused and motor function starts to fail, but I can usually recover if I’m by myself and get back home. It’s still not exactly pleasant.
At an 8/10, cluster pain increases exponentially. At this point, I have to use all the fibre in my being to remain coherent and controlled. This is where I stare into the Abyss because I know that I only have so much time and energy left to keep it together. At this point, they physical pain is like being run down by an Uber XL, over and over again.
Once 9/10 visits, I’m useless. I can’t speak, move or yell. Nothing. I’m simply envolped in sheer pain. I crumple to the ground like a wadded piece of paper and silently scream for the nuclear apocalypse as the cluster completely takes control. I’m nothing more than a puddle on the ground, helpless. All I can do is cry and beat my searing, molten right eyebrow against whatever it can find. I want to crush the entire right brow and eye socket as the pain makes its way through my head like some evil volcano until I’m able to call for help or until those around me realize something is wrong and come looking for me. This happens at least once a day. I have no idea how a normal person would react to this pain. At this point, the pain is comparable to Death by CTA.
This brings us to the final number on the pain scale, 10. This is something you never want to experience or watch. The pain is exquisite, ever-evolving and exists in multiple dimensions. The best imagry of a 10 is a person changing into a werewolf. At this point, I am totally and absolutely incoherent. The pain is so overwhelming that I don’t want anyone around me. But I know somewhere in the back of my overloaded head that someone has to help me. So, I try not to hurt them while I’m a writhing mess on the floor because that other person is the only one who can help me. The problem is that person is the only ‘thing’ around that I can direct the pain and rage toward. I’m trapped in this pain induced, violent, visceral limbic rage that can’t be controlled until my body exhausts itself and falls into nothingness.
cazandoconejos 