I have no idea what the fuck has happened to today. It started with a bit of a headache when I woke up. I actually slept a couple of hours last night. Brian and I went down to breakfast and had another lovely meal here at the hotel. It’s historic and maybe a little campy, but it’s cute. The rooms are small and cramped though. I haven’t really taken a shower or anything bc it’s just too small, but I digress, again.
shortly after Brian went up for his after breakfast nap, because his snoring ass didn’t sleep well enough last night, I got a really bad cluster that invaded the entire right side of my head. Then, as if the cluster weren’t bad enough, a massive panic attack hit. I don’t get many of them, but this one was severe. All I had with me was Thorazine or Frova. Neither are tranqs, but at least Thorazine might make me tired.
I was overheating. I didn’t want to be around anyone else. I went outside for a little while for the rapid cool down, but it didn’t help. I’ve stayed in the lobby while he sleeps playing my video games to try to keep myself calm in the meantime. I’m trying to avoid contact with others by holing myself up, but I really just want a warm, dark little whole to hide in and cry, or something. I’m frightened and I don’t know whether or not I want to go home. We have dinner reservations this evening, so I’m either going to spend the entire day wasted and then eat dinner and call it quits or idk.
Brian’s going to want to do something, but I’m hoping that he recognizes that something is wrong.
cazandoconejos 