Damien

I hope you’re out there somewhere safe. I hope you’ve taken a nice, hot shower and put on clean clothes. I hope you’ve eaten and had enough water for the night. I even hope whoever you’re with lets you stay the night so that you can get a good night’s sleep. Not really. I actually don’t care at this point. You called me this morning after not having heard anything from you in a year or so. I stopped everything I was doing just to pay attention to you. You were crying so hard that I could only make out one or two words until I was able to calm you down to where you could listen and make sense. You hadn’t eaten in two days. You had nowhere to stay. You had no money.

You told me what was going on. I already knew. I had already figured out what game you were playing and I had told you that. I didn’t know about the fight with grandpa. He’s an asshole. He’s mean, cruel and irrational, but you know that and you know how to avoid it. If he did knock or push grandma down and come at you with a baseball bat (yes, he’s done the same to me) you should’ve called the cops on him and let them sort it out rather than getting into an altercation. My father is not capable of rational thought and can’t see further than black or white. He simply reacts violently. For some reason, that’s all he knows how to do, except toward your father. I suppose he sees himself in your father and doesn’t want to confront his own demons. It’s easier to blame them on mom.

It took me two hours to calm your ass down enough to where you were thinking rationally again. I assured you that I wasn’t judging you bc that’s not what I do. I only wanted to help you. I was concerned about three, and only three, things: food, shelter and whether or not you were a harm to yourself or others. I didn’t care about a job or about what happened with grandpa or any of that. I only wanted to make sure that your basic needs were being met. I didn’t even care about your emotional wellbeing, even though you made a big fuss about it.

You told me first that you were at Walmart because you had to charge your phone. I directed you to a soup kitchen that you could’ve easily made it to before they closed for lunch. At the same time, I was IMing grandma to see whether or not she would come pick you up and take you to her house. She really wanted to but grandpa wasn’t having it. So, as I continued to talk you down and talk to you, I searched for shelters in Kenton, Bellefontaine, Marion, Lima and Findlay. I finally got mom to agree to take you to a shelter at least.

By this time, you told me that you were at an apartment complex in Kenton. Both are on the north side of town, so I had an approximate location to give her. You told me where you were and I asked you to stay there until she got there to pick you up and take you to the shelter. You agreed to stay and we hung up. A few minutes later, I told you that she was on her way. I didn’t get a response. Meanwhile, grandma had gone to where you were supposed to be to look for you. About a half an hour later, I noticed you on FB and sent you another message about your phone being dead and asking you where you were. You had probably missed grandma, but I’d see what I could do if I had an address.

Imagine my surprise when you told me that you had gone to a friend’s house and you’re phone had been charged. Imagine how I felt when you told me that you had found somewhere to ‘kick it.’ I’m still suffering greatly from this morning and I’m absolutely sure that 1) you don’t remember anything about it and 2) you wouldn’t give a fuck if you did. What I forgot to tell you is that we actually contacted the police department and the sheriff’s office to be on the lookout for you because you’re suicidal and a threat to yourself and others. I sincerely hope they can keep you locked up for 72 hours.

As for me, please don’t call me again. I expended all the energy I could on you and may still have to go to the ER tonight. You’ve ripped my heart out and smashed it and I don’t recover from that easily. I was your last line of defense and you’ve now burned that bridge too. I really do hope someone is there to help you pick up the pieces because it won’t be me.

Uncle Mike